Just because my 91 year old dad passed on last year, doesn't mean I cannot blog about the journey he put me through...
Just because... he dictated my life.
Just because... he was a very lonely man who alienated his family.
Just because... he was emotionally abusive.
Just because... I still cry in my pillow and hold my securities; my stuffed animals, a cow named Bessie my mom gave me and a marshmallow stingray.
Just because... to be continued.
Band Yes has been a very interesting musical group. Been listening to owner of a lonely heart. I'm an 80's gal and seen their videos and familiar with them. That being said, it's the lyrics that compell. The long version video explains more as the short will make no sense if you are not familiar. The animal symbolism is key. Rhapsodomancy time!
Move yourself ... You always live your life, never thinking of the future..
I am now .
In the end you've got to go, look before you leap..
AND don't you hesitate at all!
Alas.. A December holiday wouldn't be the same without full blown depression.
No, seriously. How many out there like myself placed in emotional situations you try to break the cycle?
I must be patient and continue within my spirit guides? I just cannot believe what transpired in a few weeks because of control and something deeper... What's deeper than making your only disabled daughter heartbroken? There must be a certain cruelty involved ? A 90 year old sick man who doesn't like smells even if means that another person is happy and content? You continue with your selfish needs and disregard me as much as the paper products you throw out monthly. Even after everything I've done to keep peace and maintain at least some sanity in a world filled with injustice at smaller things.
I never thought in a million years that he would do this; take away my livelihood.i loved my coloring and was very good at it. Lots of co!oring books and art supplies for my hobby to keep me happy and sane....
ALL GONE.
I'm done... Temporarily. But... There's nothing for me to do anymore except cry at random times, play solitaire or sit on the floor by the heat register to ease the tight muscle tensions surrounding my 4 Harrington rods and arthritic neck. Why don't you take a bath or shower , you may feel a bit better?
With what? No hot water. Oh yeah... I don't have any deodorant, shampoo or toothpaste because they all smell. Let's see.. Last time I washed my hair.. Weeks ago in bed. I have a basin with an old water gallon jug that I use occasionally to clean myself. The shampoo slash body cleaner is hidden on a second shelf.
Oh and for colored pencils...
If you think I'm getting rid of expensive ones, go screw yourself .
I wish the best dad but I'm not ready to leave this earth
